Mediocre Fred's Mediocre Blog (Ret.)

I Give Up On This Country, Again

And no, it doesn't have anything to do with the Republican convention.

I just saw a commercial for a CD called "Symphonic Rock." It is, appallingly, just what it sounds like: some symphony orchestra (described in the commercial as "one of the world's finest," but never actually named or anything) playing a variety of recognizable rock standards, such as "Stairway to Heaven" and "Bohemian Rhapsody." Oh yes.

How does this sound? It sounds just like you'd imagine: like rock hits played by a symphony orchestra, which is to say pretty awful in most cases. What bilge this is! There aren't words enough to describe the awfulness of this CD. Now, I like symphonic music. And I like rock. I even like "Bohemian Rhapsody." But the very concept of this CD makes me feel like jamming a pencil into my ear.

Now, don't get me wrong: this is not a dyspeptic curmudgeon's rant against modernity. (Not that I'm not capable of such a thing.) I'm well aware that our country has a long history of adapting high culture into pop culture. You're probably aware that "10 Things I Hate About You" is based on a Shakespeare play, but did you know that in the old West, playhouses used to adapt Shakespeare for rural audiences, including such gems as having Hamlet say to Ophelia, "Get thee to a brewery"? "Symphonic Rock" is very much in the American tradition. It just happens that the tradition stinks.

America is a culture based on newness, on dumping old traditions with glee and forging a new way. We've always been unapologetic about this, and we tend to sneer at the culture snobs of old Europe. At least on one level. On another level, though, we feel they have a point. We hate to admit it, but when the culture snobs look at us like a bunch of rubes and poor relations, we make a big show of defiance, but underneath it we feel insecure. We hear the voices of our parents and teachers telling us we'll never amount to anything if we don't study the classics. Even though we find the classics musty and dull and lifeless, we believe there must be something to them, because the culture snobs say so.

Now, don't get me wrong; I think the culture snobs are right about that. I think that the classics have a lot to say, and they're as powerful today as they were then. And done properly, modern interpretations of old classics can be quite clever and worthwhile in our own right. (I enjoyed "10 Things," for instance.) But done wrong, our attempts to merge high culture and pop culture are the equivalent of putting a tuxedo on a dog: it just makes everyone look foolish for trying. Painting a velvet Elvis with Mona Lisa's face doesn't make it any classier.

Rock music has been around long enough that it deserves respect as an established art form. We shouldn't be ashamed of our love of rock music. I'm not ashamed of mine. But trying to dress it up in symphonic clothes cheapens both symphonic music and rock. And the fact that this idea in all likelihood sprang from some orchestra's attempt to play recognizable music in the hopes of selling tickets doesn't impress me at all. This country's dismal funding for the arts is another rant for another day, but doing "Stairway to Heaven" to put butts in the seats isn't the answer.

Is there a point here? I don't know. It's late and I'm tired. Anyone who thinks they discern a point, feel free to leave it in the comments. Everyone else, thanks for reading. See you later!

Posted by Fred at September 1, 2004 12:18 AM