Today's Musical Selection: "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Ha" by Napoleon XIV
Hey there, everyone. Today being Friday, rambling will of course be the order of the day. But today, I've decided to try rambling with a theme. If it works, perhaps I'll try rambling with a theme on future Fridays. Today's theme is: Stuff I've Seen on Television.
The first thing I've seen is something Timothy Noah got to writing about before I did, but I believe I noticed it before he did. It concerns Dairy Queen's new drink, the MooLatte. The problem that both Noah and I have with this name is its similarity to the world "mulatto," a term for a person of mixed-race (one black parent and one white parent) ancestry. The connotation is especially unfortunate given the drink's medium-tan color.
Now, this connection was immediately apparent to me because of a running joke my friends and I had in college. We were irritated when KFC turned Colonel Sanders into a bizarre animated character who spouted hip-hop lingo and danced the Cabbage Patch. So we hit upon a marketing concept that restored the Colonel's true heritage. "Everybody says that white meat is better. But I know you... you like that rich, sensuous, tasty dark meat. So how do you get what you really want without the neighbors talking about you? Introducing the Colonel's new Mulatto Fried Chicken! It's light enough to pass for white, but it's got that scrumptious dark taste you really want. It's slave-whuppin' good!" The kind of outrageous smartass college-kid humor that too many beers will produce. So when I saw that DQ had produced something called the MooLatte, my immediate reaction was, "My God, they didn't. No... they... didn't." Except they did.
The worst part of it is that I can't think of anything else that "MooLatte" sounds like. If there was another word that they were clearly attempting to make people think of, the "mulatto" association would have just been good for a chuckle. But no. "Mulatto" is the only word that it sounds like. Isn't there anyone at Dairy Queen with a brain? This is perhaps the dumbest product name I have ever personally experienced. Dairy Queen should stick to making bad ice-cream treats and leave it at that.
On the other side of the ledger, I really like the commercials for the eHarmony dating service. Personally, I'm suspicious of online dating services, but eHarmony's sounds better than the rest, for one simple reason: Dr. Neil Clark Warren. He appears in all the commercials, talking in that easygoing voice about why his dating service will produce happiness. (Because they "match you on twenty-nine different dimensions," a phrase I hear in my sleep, Dr. Warren's odd emphasis patterns and all.)
Dr. Warren is probably the best advertisement for his own service, because his appearance directly reassures people who are skeptical about online dating. On the one hand, he's a doctor, so he must know what he's doing, right? (What he's a doctor of is not exactly clear -- and I don't care enough to check -- but the imprimatur of professional credibility makes it sound like a responsible operation.) On the other hand, the gray hair, the smile and the soft-edged voice gives Dr. Warren a grandfatherly air. He seems like a trusted matchmaker. Surely a man as kind and gentle as Dr. Warren wouldn't set you up with an ax murderer. It's that blend of professionalism and grandfatherly warmth that makes me like him so much. Not enough to use his service, but enough to invite him to dinner. If you're ever passing through the Fedroplex, Dr. Warren, look me up.
Last night I was watching the Orioles and Devil Rays on TV from Tampa, where a die-hard crowd of perhaps 1500 was on hand (Feel the excitement!), and I noticed a guy about 20 rows up holding a sign reading, "FREE KOBE." Oh, please. Kobe is not Mandela. He is not a political prisoner. The case against him is not some travesty of justice. He is a rich, spoiled athlete who is guilty, at minimum, of adultery with a 19-year-old girl and, at worst, of rape. Free Kobe, my ass. Hmm, where did I last see him, anyhow? Behind bars? No, seems to me I last saw him sitting at a table at a press conference announcing his new $100-million-plus contract. Seems pretty free to me.
Loyal reader Ginevra said in a comment on my Jeff Smith memorial that she shares my impatience with the Food Network. In response, I pointed out that Rachael Ray and Alton Brown are the only people on the network that I'd actually want to have a beer with. The others may be excellent chefs, but I don't think I'd want to spend time with them. So I open the question to you, The Reader: if you had the opportunity to spend an evening with any one Food Network personality, who would it be? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
I saw John McEnroe's new talk show last night, and I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, McEnroe remains refreshingly honest and true to himself. It's great to see a talk-show host who doesn't feel the need to shuck and jive and do the fake laugh. If McEnroe finds his guest's joke funny, he'll laugh. If he doesn't, he won't. I like that.
On the other hand, he's just a little too himself, if you know what I mean. He'll trail off in the middle of an interview, completely ignoring his guest if he's bored. Or he'll embarrass himself: yesterday, he was interviewing some model (can't remember her name), and upon discovering she was 19, attempted to set her up on a date with his 18-year-old son. She said 18 was a little young for her, so he said, "Oh, so you like older men, huh? A lot older? Does that appeal to you?" Pause. "I look really pathetic right now, don't I?" Well, yes. And again, the honesty is refreshing, but...
In short, McEnroe's greatest strength is also his great weakness as a talk-show host. He's refreshingly, defiantly himself, but being himself also means coming off as unprofessional. If he can polish his style such that he's a little smoother while maintaining that McEnrovian frankness, I think the show could be a real hit. I'll be monitoring it.
And with that, time to roll downhill to the weekend. See you Monday!