Today's Musical Selection: "Election" by Alice Cooper
Hi, everybody! As promised, today I offer you a variety of political thoughts. Before I offer a variety of endorsements, I'd like to encourage everyone who's eligible to get out and vote. I often like to share a laugh with my fellow elitists at the uninformed voters, but I do firmly believe that our democracy is stronger when more people participate. So please, get out there and cast your ballot, okay?
Now, to the endorsements: If you don't know who I support for president by now, you haven't been paying attention. So I'll be brief: I'm voting for John Kerry because I want to bring intelligence and class back to the White House, plus I can't think of anything President Bush has done that I agree with. It's an easy decision for me. Having taken a look over the minor-party candidates out there, I must say that the far left and far right would benefit from consolidation. There are about 5 different socialist candidates out there, plus the Greens, who are socialists who live in gated communities, and Ralph Nader, who is a socialist in a really bad suit. The far right is no less fragmented, what with the Constitution party and the Independence party and the Prohibition party and the Concerns of the People party and so on. (The Libertarians are not included in this bunch, since they're not as moralistic as the above groups.) Consolidate and get that 3%, guys! What say you?
My dad reports he too will be voting for Kerry, although he's in more of an anybody-but-Bush mindset. My mother, after months of making "Can't we do better than these two clowns?" speeches, is threatening to write in Laura Bush, which is not an entirely bad idea.
Here's a counterfactual for us all to ponder in quiet moments: How would this election have been different if Howard Dean had won the Democratic nomination? You remember Howard. Little guy. Used to be governor of Vermont. Liked to shout a lot. Suppose his bubble hadn't burst when it did.
How would the election be different? On one hand, Dean is a tad temperamental, and it might have been easy for Bush to portray him as unpresidential and dangerous. (Also, I don't think Dean would have thumped Bush as soundly in the debates.) On the other hand, Dean has no problem inspiring passion. He might have been viewed by many as a more inspiring alternative. It's hard to say how it would have played out, but I bet it wouldn't have been nearly as close as this election. Either Bush would have decisively defeated Dean, or vice versa. Would have been interesting.
Oh, and the electoral action should be quite enough for any of you, but in case you find the excitement a tad lagging, allow me to offer you an idea that The Smart Lady and I devised one time: Strip Electoral College. You and your special significant someone suggest a party to represent. Whenever your party captures a state, the other person removes an article of clothing. You might wish to restrict the game to the eastern U.S., in order to keep the game manageable. This is the kind of thing that can really liven up Election Night, no?
A couple more important endorsements I wanted to cover while I have you all here:
- Attention, Virginia 8th District Democratic voters! Are you sick of Jim Moran? Do you wish you could run him out of office before he has a chance to embarrass us all again? But does the thought of voting for a conservative Republican named Cheney make your skin crawl?
There is an alternative. There's an independent in the race, fellow by the name of Jim Hurysz. He's an Arlington businessman, reliably liberal on the issues, a bit of a gadfly. All of which I support. Especially because it means I don't have to vote for Moran. I did that two years ago, and I felt like taking a shower afterward. I won't have to do that this year. I encourage you all to vote for Mr. Hurysz tomorrow.
- This next endorsement repays a debt of long standing. Last year, a buddy of mine and I were tooling around Georgetown, looking for a place to get a snack. We discovered we were heading the wrong way down Connecticut Avenue (easy enough mistake to make, I guess) and we pulled down a residential street to bang a U-turn. We succeeded in banging the U, but my friend didn't watch behind him, and he found himself nose-to-nose with a Chrysler convertible driven by an older gentleman with an aggrieved expression. We didn't collide, but it was close. As we pulled away, I looked back and noticed that he was driving a convertible with New York tags with a "U.S. CONGRESS" designation stamped on them.
When I got home, I looked up New York's congressional delegation, and I discovered that the gentleman we nearly crashed into was Maurice Hinchey (D-22nd). Once I found it out, I swore I'd find a way to make it up to him. Therefore:
Re-elect Maurice Hinchey!
That's enough for today. Please vote! See you tomorrow!
Posted by Fred at November 1, 2004 09:16 PM